Another day. Apparently Thursday. 28/8/08.

Before I even open the bloody door I am accosted by our friend who has the uncanny knack of driving saints to seriously contemplating grievous bodily harm to their fellow man. Sorry- person. Fuck it- man! He manages to tell me in about 25 different ways that he’s never met such rude shop staff in all his 150 years of travelling the globe. Nothing against me, mind. Just the punks I get as vols. I see a bus. Bus. Man. Street. I give the Samaritans a quick call. There. Much better! Wants to take me to Oxfam so the staff there can confirm that he is a really nice bloke. He then admits that, in 15 years of shopping in Oxfam, he’s only ever spoken to one member of staff. Once. He says he’s nothing against me (really!) but that I should apologise for his being rude to our vols. Sorry- ignorant punks! I give the Samaritans another quick call.

-Opened door-

After meeting with said man I am looking around to see if there is anything I can break. Preferably something that makes a very load noise. I compromise by tearing up a Jeffery Archer novel. There. Much better.

-coffee-

-coffee-

Wonder if I should put an ad on Gumtree for ignorant punks with spare time on their hands. Would certainly liven thing up a bit.

-coffee-

A very large trunk arrives for Hal. Delivery man jokes it’s a body. I start to wonder where Hal has been.

Beginning to contemplate the meaning of existence when our lovely Korean vol, Young, comes in. She has just come back from four days in Paris and didn’t seem that impressed with romantic capital. Too expensive and too French!

American customer buys £15 worth of our 45’s. Can only assume he wants them for decoration!

-coffee-

Contemplate moving the shop to America.

Hal makes an appearance. He’s looking a little worse for wear and tells me he’s been partying till dawn at Ronnie Scott’s and beyond. He’s very tempted to do a Chris but soldiers on.

-coffee-

Lorena pops in at about 4pm. Tells me a story about this lady, dubbed “Alligator Mary”, who lives near her house in Brazil. Apparently this lady is quite famous as she feeds dozens of wild alligators in her back yard! I’m wondering if Mary is soon to be an Earls Court resident.

Mario makes a surprise visit with two charming Spanish lady friends. One of the lovely ladies wants to live in the North of Sweden. She’s very fond of cold weather!? They are all off to Camden for the night.

Maria pops in looking a bit down to say Hola. Maria goes home for a bath that involves perfumes and floor cleaner. Not kidding. It’s called a “bang bang” bath or something equally bizarre.

Maria comes back smelling of roses with a slight hint of “shiny floor” fragrance. Think very, very clean florist. Not entirely sure what she put in that bath but she’s now in very good form.

Wonder if a dash of floor cleaner would do our friend any good. Or at least come out with a few pleasantries amidst the continuous verbal assault.

-Close door.

T’was quite a good day at the till. The council will be happy!!